Since when is my name a synonym for head?
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
