I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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