I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
