Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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