Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
