She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
What happened to fro yo and sex?
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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