Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
