so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
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