I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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