awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
it glows. i had to have it.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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