Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
