You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Randomize