Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
