He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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