Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
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