this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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