i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
