i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
