Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
