if you like me you must not know who I am
I smell stomach acid.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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