Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
