Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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