How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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