I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
