I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Randomize
