dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
