see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
