Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
So many bounce houses so little time
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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