i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
