'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Randomize
