were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
