he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
