It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
