You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
