bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
