Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
