Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
This baby is an asshole
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
