i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
