And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
this will be a night to untag.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
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