there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
