apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
