Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
