the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
