he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
