remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
