there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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