o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
