your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
My dick has a subreddit
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
