smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
