The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
