We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
