yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
