similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
