it was like eating out sand paper
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
