I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize