I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
