I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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