She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Randomize