he told me I talked like a deaf person
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
