Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Randomize
