I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
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