I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
