Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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