I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Randomize
