she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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