we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
