i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
