Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
