He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Randomize