My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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