Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
