Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
