I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Randomize
