nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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